Boston Red Sox Humor

The first four jokes were contributed by Carol D. I originally found the fifth joke in a Yankee fan version, but I converted it to a Boston fan version and thus saved it from ignominy.

1.  On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you a Red Sox fan?" "Because my mom is a Red Sox fan and my dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."

2.  A family of New York fans headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Red Sox jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston jersey for my birthday." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother." Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes, son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday." The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday." The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour and I already hate you Yankee b**stds."

3.  Four baseball fans - a Cubs fan, a Cardinals fan, a Red Sox fan, and a Yankees fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Cubs fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the Cubs!" he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Cardinals fan shouts, "This is for the Cardinals!" and throws himself off the mountain. The Red Sox fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for everyone!" and pushes the Yankees fan off.

4.  A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them. One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry, Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan." "That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

5.  Two boys are playing hockey on the "Frog Pond" in the Boston Common when one is attacked by a rabid dog. Acting quickly, the other boy grabs a stick and wedges it between the dogs collar and neck, then twisting it; he breaks the dog's neck. A reporter for the Boston Globe is passing by and rushes over to interview the young hero. He begins writing, "Young Bruins fan saves friend from vicious animal" in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins fan," the young lad says. The reporter replies "I just assumed you were since we are in Boston and he begins writing in his notebook once again, "Red Sox Fan rescues young friend from terrible attack." I'm not a Red Sox fan either," states the boy. "I thought that everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. What team do you root for?" asks the reporter. "I'm a Yankee fan," replies the young lad. The reporter begins writing again on a new sheet, "Little b**std from New York kills beloved family pet."

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